Staff Blog
In this season marked by gift giving and receiving, I've been reflecting about a significant gift that I received earlier this year. In July, I travelled to the Philippines and had the opportunity to spend 6 days visiting CSC.
While I've had connections to CSC for almost 15 years, this was my first actual trip there – not for lack of desire to have made the trip earlier, but working within the realities of parenting and being an at-home mom with our 4 young kids. Being there was, of course, amazing, and a true gift. The life-giving ministry that takes place there came alive for me in a whole new way. I don't want to lose that deepened sense of connectedness that I brought back to Minnesota with me, and as part of that desire to hold onto connection I recently revisited some of the journaling that I'd done during my week at CSC. I'd like to share a few excerpts from my journal with you – in hopes that you also will feel a rekindled sense of connectedness to the truly life-altering work that takes place every day, hour by hour and minute by minute at CSC.
From our first day at the shelter – Wednesday, July 19th
It is emotional to be here with the kids! To see little babies who don't belong to anyone-yet here belong to everyone, sweet toddlers who remind me of Berit (our 2 year old daughter) who have already lost someone for a lifetime, preschoolers coming close or slipping in a hand to be held who don't know what it's like to be someone's child, busy elementary schoolers curiously and boldly saying hello – their life stories already so complicated, and tall, growing-up pre-teens who act like they are at camp, yet don't have family to return home to. I've gotten lots of tears welling up in my eyes – for the kids, when seeing Paul being tender and familiar with kids of all ages, and in thinking about life and all of its complexity. So thankful to be here, and so aware that life can be hard.
From Thursday, July 20th
I've seen lots of poverty today while driving, especially on the city tour with Marlys. It's so surreal to drive by it and then to be done with it, while it is remains someone's total life and story. I like to imagine that all of the kids I see who are way too close to the moving cars in the street have a parent close by, or that they are just going for a walk, but I know that isn't true. Especially aware today of CSC as a SHELTER.
From Tuesday, July 25th
CSC is impressive. The physical campus, the stories behind the campus coming to be, the contrast for the kids between what was and what is – as well as new potential for what might be, the many aunties and uncles, the holistic set up that addresses so many important parts of each child's experience, the team of leaders that is both forward thinking and evaluative... and of course the kids themselves. I'm struck today by the RESILIENCY of the kids. Each child here carries with them a heavy, heart-breaking story, but they keep going.
While on the airplane as I journeyed home, as part of my processing of the days at CSC, I made two lists in my journal. One of the lists was titled "Hard Things", and the other was titled "Joyful Things". I'll share a few of the items that were part of each list.
Hard Things – Hearing kids who had been matched for adoption talk about where they would be going when they joined their new families (Australia, Tennessee, Italy), knowing that other kids listening had no adoption plan. Seeing endearing, funny, smart and talented older kids who don't have much time left until their adoption window closes – knowing that their amazing personalities could never be captured on paper and that their age would likely be what would speak loudest to potential adoptive families. Wondering if the CSC kids were wondering if I was "sizing them up" and considering the possibility of adding them to our family, and even choosing what to say about themselves based on that. Thinking about how quickly childhood passes, and "biding time" while waiting for a family. Hearing babies cry and seeing toddlers sitting in highchairs... even when being carefully tended to by aunties, as Paul would say, "It's not the same as being in a family."
Joyful Things – Bright smiles and sparkling brown eyes. Hearing the house parents lead the kids in devotions before breakfast and after dinner. Listening to the kids sing songs of worship – the sound of their voices floating out from the homes and through the campus. Seeing the kids smartly dressed in their matching school uniforms and getting to walk with them up the hill to school. Visiting Jacob and Ginda's rooms, specially created for them, and seeing how CSC is absolutely committed to them as valued family members. Getting to pray a prayer of thanks and blessing with the overnight workers one night as they started their shift. Being surrounded by a group of 11, 12 and 13 year old girls who just wanted to hang out and talk. Genuinely feeling that there are capable, thoughtful leaders in place. Seeing the employees call out, hug and playfully tease the kids. Sensing real openness from the staff to work together for the children.
Those are some excerpts from my CSC experience. It was truly such a gift to be able to spend those 6 days in July immersed in the daily life of CSC. I'm grateful in a deeper, broader way for this ministry as I'm reminded of both hard and joyful parts of CSC. As a CSC board member, I am especially thankful for the community that supports CSC. To know that children's lives are being changed each day is truly amazing and inspiring, and I'm so thankful for all of you who make that possible!
Summer at CSC!
Summer is here! What does that mean to an island that remains tropical all year round? Good question! It really only means that it is hotter-a LOT hotter! And there is less rain. And its hot. And your umbrella is your most prized possession because it protects you from the fierce sun. And then there's the heat. But really, I'm not all that grumpy about it...just a little grumpy about it... :)
The kids, however, are unfazed by the heat. They still run and play without abandon. I, however, sit in the shade and look on with amazement---my mouth hanging open.
The summer brings with it new activities. KITE SEASON is here once again! It is almost as if a switch turns on inside of them and they all decide today is the day for kite-flying. And they MAKE them! Watching them making them is a favorite pasttime of mine---again, I do so in the shade, in case you were wondering! :)
They are making these kites from twigs from brooms, plastic grocery bags, and string. Permission to be amazed granted!
In flight!
Other summer activities...
CHALK!!!
FUN IN THE SHADE---These wise girls are making crafts with flower blossoms!
What pure happiness looks like!
He is our newest kid, but it already seems like he has been with us for quite some time. God has blessed us and him with a smooth transition and we are happy to have him here with us!
Its hard to be grumpy about the heat when you have this smile to look at!
Thank the Lord for these children that bless me every day and remind me of God's endless provision and goodness!
Glory be to Him always!
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A Lonely Walk
Imagine what it would be like to wake up knowing today is the last day you will see your child. I wonder how carefully you would choose their clothes or the last words to share with them. I wonder how hollow it would feel to stand on the sidewalk as they are driven away.
Imagine returning home without your children in tow. They were with you when you walked out of the neighborhood, but now you walk alone. Your world is upended. You’ve lost the title “mom” or “dad.” To make matters worse everyone is watching you from their front step or window. Secrets don’t keep long where you live—especially secrets like this.
People know what you’ve done and they don’t restrain themselves from staring. This is a lonely walk back to an empty home.
You can’t believe it got to this point. How could it? You didn’t have children to abandon them. But then he left, and there were no jobs to be found. The life you dreamed of isn’t visible anymore, and you don’t have anywhere to turn. Somehow the best option became giving them away.
Sometimes when I’m speaking to a group a person will ask how our kids end up in the care of the Children's Shelter of Cebu. I’ll confess that for most of the children a parent is still alive. “How could their parents just abandon them,” they wonder. It’s hard to explain. In our good-Christian mentality, you just don’t ever give up on your kids.
It’s hard to describe the straight jacket that is total poverty and utter hopelessness. It’s hard to explain not being able to protect or provide for your child. I can’t pretend to understand, but I know it’s easier to demonize the mom who couldn’t care for her baby than to put myself in her shoes. She doesn’t deserve to be understood because of what she’s done. Right?
I don’t know. High horses are easy to climb on when you’re propped up in a world of options. Judgment comes easy on this, but judgment has always been easier than understanding, including when a mom concludes her child is better off without her. Judgment isn't our job at CSC. Our job is to love that child the best we can. It's the least we can do for those moms whose seperation is not the mark of selfishness, but of sacrifice.
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Prayers!
I just finished Frontline for the month of April (Frontline is for all our prayer warriors out there - if you are not getting Frontline and want to get it, sign up here.) Because of Frontline, I've been thinking about all the prayers we have seen answered over the years. God has certainly blessed CSC. We know that God listens to and answers prayers. We have found that God does not always give us exactly what we ask for, but often what he gives is better than we ask. Of course there are prayers that are still unanswered and prayers that were denied...but we know that God is there and trust him to know what we REALLY need, not what we think we need.
Tonight I was on duty at one of our homes. These kids are real prayer warriors. They love to pray. There have been numerous prayer sessions that end up with a few kids falling asleep while some of the kids just keep thinking of more things to pray for. Tonight we only had about 30 minutes to pray (school night you know) so I limited the kids to only 5 things to pray for. Their choices were #1 - The CSC Banquet #2 That all the people who don't know Jesus will know him #3 That we will all be safe always #4 my friend Suzy who is going through a tough time after cancer surgery and Jane Anderson (they had to share a spot) and #5 Thanking God for the people who pray for them. I wish you could have heard their prayers. I know God did.
I did sneak a few photos....as you can see a few kids were on to me. That really is how the little ones always pray...hands together in front of them.
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Grace from God
Over Easter weekend my husband and I drove from Minnesota to Louisiana to visit our daughter. Before starting on the trip, I was unable to contact one of our former Children of Hope School teachers whom I knew lived in the Baton Rouge area. Instead, Grace got hold of me and said she was more than willing to drive the 170 miles (one way) in order for us to see each other. Later that night, Grace and her husband, Noel, sat in our hotel room reminiscing about former CSC kids and colleagues and sharing what we are doing now. I had not seen Grace in about seven years. It was a great time!
As Grace and Noel were pulling away to drive home, I was struck by the incredible connections there are all over the world through the common thread of CSC. Grace's life is forever woven into mine because we worked at CSC together. We share common interests in the children we taught at Children of Hope and the people we worked with. It was encouraging to hear how Grace is being used by God in a very different educational setting in the United States. Seeing Grace again reminded me the CSC family is strong and I am richer for it.
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Banquet Surprise
Hey, we're working on a cool surprise for the CSC banquet. I won't give you even a hint, except that the kids and staff here in Cebu are really excited about it. Some of you will be able to see it at the banquet. (If you haven't registered yet, you can do so by clicking here.) Some will have to wait for a video here on the web site. That's all you're going to get, for now!
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