God's grace shows itself to me in many ways. Some are glorious and some are not. By the grace of God, for instance, I have enough to eat, a good place to live, money for my diabetes medications and meaningful work that provides many emotional, material and spiritual blessings. But just 0utside my office are children who go to sleep hungry, who wake up with nobody to say "good morning," and with only bleak prospects for having their basic needs met. This noon I drove to McDonalds for a late lunch and was heading back to the office to eat. At the stoplight a little boy approached my car, tapped on my window and held out a deformed hand to ask for money. He motioned to his stomach to indicate that he was hungry. In his eyes was a hunger that went beyond his need for something to eat to indicate a hopelessness at life in general. But he doesn't have the luxury of looking at his life reflectively. He was hungry, and was looking at the food that I had purchased at the drive through that was on the seat next to me, food that I could easily do without. I gave him a handful of fries and drove off. On other occasions I might have just shook my head and not given him anything. Nutritionists might say that he was better off with nothing than a greasy fry, I don't know. But as I drove away my mind came up with many questions that I have considered often in my 38 years in Cebu, questions that don't really have answers but weigh heavily on my heart on occasions such as this.
- Why does this little guy have nothing and I have everything? Is there a single thing about how I have lived my life that qualifies me for advantage? Has this little guy done anything wrong to deserve a withered arm and a hungry tummy?
- Why didn't I just give him my whole lunch instead of a few paltry fries? By suppertime I would be dining on a good meal and he would be hungry again. Likely, I just wanted him to go away from my car.
- What does he think about me and what I represent?
- If he ever does look to the future, does he have a shred of hope that things will get better for him? With little or no positive family or other adult influence, with no access to health care or decent education, and with daily exposure to the many dangers from living on the street, is there any chance whatsoever that he will? What will be different for him, his eventual children and theirs?
- What is life like without hope? Can I even begin to understand that?
The disparities of life in a country like the Philippines are hard to grasp. Living here provides graphic proof that God's grace has nothing to do with merit. Not a thing. That kid deserves a break much more than I ever do or will. All I can do, perhaps, is to think about why God called me to live much of my life here and not in the country of my birth. Some people think that, in choosing to live here, I forsook the luxuries of life for the difficulties of the third world. But I live in the lap of luxury here, too. I just have to pay an emotional price for doing so as I come face to face with people who struggle just to stay alive.
I've been dealing with these same questions for 38 years! At CSC we have been able to help lots of little guys like the one I saw today. We have taken in the hungry, the lame, the disfigured, the homeless. We have dispensed food, medicine, knowledge, even hope. But we aren't helping this little guy at all. Except for a fistfull of fries. Of course we can't help everyone, I know that. But that knowledge doesn't remove his image from my mind or, on the other hand, make his life one ounce better.
I pray for wisdom, to accept the things that I cannot change, to be an agent of positive change where I can, and to know the difference, even though knowing that difference does not provide emotional relief from the confrontations with hopelessness that are a part of life in a place like this. I guess the best way to accomplish the dictates of the above-cited Serenity Prayer is to focus on the things that I can change, not on what I cannot. On the tree, not the forest. But I'm very sure that there are things that I can change if I open my mind to them, to see people not as an inconvenience but an opportunity. Maybe I can use some of the incomprehensible advantages that have been bestowed on me to offer some measure of relief and, maybe, even hope to people like the little boy who I cannot get out of my head.
Thomas is Home!!
Little Thomas is home! After two weeks of being in the hospital, from the operating room to the ICU to a private room, he was allowed to go home on Tuesday. It was an exciting day for everyone at CSC, especially in the Duterte Home. Our Head Nurse Warlita Manlon said it best in the car on the way home. "We are blessed to have Thomas in our lives." How true. We ask you to continue praying for him as he recovers from the surgery to his skull, and that we would take very good care of him in our nursery.
A little miracle
Sometimes I am called upon to step in and help diffuse a situation happening in a classroom. Yesterday that happened again. A student who was bothering his classmates needed some help. This was someone who had had trouble complying with rules and expressing frustration appropriately when he arrived at the shelter. He was having trouble again yesterday.
After leaving the classroom, I had him cool down while sitting in a chair near me. After a few minutes we talked. He said he was angry and why. He told me what he had done to his classmates to tell them he was angry. We figured out what he should have done differently to tell his classmates he wanted them to stop. He said he’d try that next time. In the world of counseling and school, it was textbook stuff for learning social skills.
As we walked back to his classroom, I marveled at how much he has learned about how to express himself in positive ways when he is frustrated or angry. I thought of the people (counselors, house parents and teachers) who have coached him and modeled this for him.
As we entered the classroom together, he apologized to his classmates and sat down in his seat. Class continued.
A little miracle in the midst of a busy day.
Centralites Are Here
Central Baptist Church of Saint Paul, Minnesota, the home church of Paul and Marlys Healy and Mitch and Ruth Ohlendorf, has sent a team of 11 members to CSC to visit the ministry, fellowship with the children, staff and workers, and run a three day camp for the older children at the Shelter. This has become an every other year tradition at CSC, and hundreds of kids have enjoyed being a part of these camps over the years. The camp will be held in a Christian camp on the beach in Santander in southern Cebu. The kids will have time in the ocean, hiking, playing games, sleeping in tents, eating good food, doing crafts and learning more about God. Chuck Sorley, the youth pastor at Central, will head up the camp once again. Pastor Joel Lawrence is also with the team. He has been busy speaking to various groups, from CSC staff and workers, to the students of the Baptist Theological College.
Thanks to the team for their willingness to come and serve, and for those who are supporting them through prayer and financial gifts.
A meaningful morning
I can't help but feel closer to God after visiting Thomas at the hospital. Thomas was sleeping; he had had his dressing changed earlier and had cried a bit, so he might have tired himself out. I chatted with the Auntie, getting a quick update on how he was doing. There has been some drainage from the surgical site over the last couple of days, so there is a potential for infection! :(
I prayed over him and held his hand, but thought I should let him rest, so soon left. As I was leaving the hospital, I could not help but think on how Thomas is such a testament to God's provision. We have had several meetings, even since before admitting him, about Thomas, his needs and our ideas about how we could meet them. We prayed a lot about these concerns and sought guidance, but inevitably, just had to surrender them to God. And we have seen God provide time and time again. The financial assistance has come through, but even more than that, our plans for how to respond to the problems or possibilities we feared would occur were not even necessary.
God is good.
Sleepy at the moment, but still such a trooper!
His toys, the books he likes to "read," tissue and a Bible---the essentials!
Here he is, receiving excellent care from his Auntie. We are blessed at CSC to have such caring childcare workers!
All the time, God is good. And we have seen His goodness in Thomas' life so many times already and countless times over the life of CSC.
Monday Update: Thomas Leaves ICU Behind.
MONDAY UPDATE: Thomas leaves ICU. No more fever. He loves books and the aunties love reading to him.
SATURDAY UPDATE: Thomas had his dressing changed today. He has staples from ear to ear. The doctor checked the surgical site and said that it looks good, with no sign of infection. Thomas was very alert and responsive today, and he made lots of eye contact with his caregivers. Matt Buley, CSC President, who is in Cebu at this time, had a chance to visit Thomas in the ICU and see his progress in recovery. Matt and Marlys brought along a radio and cd player so he could listen to music which he loves.
FRIDAY: Little Thomas continues his fight,making good progress after his serious surgery on Tuesday. He is still in the Intensive Care Unit at Cebu Doctors' hospital. Yesterday his face was very puffy and he was more uncomfortable than he had been on Wednesday. But today his swelling has subsided. He still has a low grade fever (100.7) which is normal after his kind of surgery. The doctors told us that they will be taking the dressing off tomorrow. As of today, our child care worker who is with him in the ICU is allowed to hold him, which he very much appreciates. It is possible that Thomas will be able to
go out of ICU tomorrow to a regular room.
Thanks for your prayers for our darling boy! A couple weeks ago, as the surgery was being discussed among specialists in Cebu, his doctor mentioned that he is a little battler, so we all need to battle for him to. Thanks for helping the battle through prayer.
We are so excited and thankful that some CSC friends who have followed Thomas on-line, have responded with financial gifts.
Praise God that, of the estimated costs of $25,000 for the surgery and recovery, $8,000 has already been provided!