Staff Blog
God's grace shows itself to me in many ways. Some are glorious and some are not. 
By the grace of God, for instance, I have enough to eat, a good place to live, money for my diabetes medications and meaningful work that provides many emotional, material and spiritual blessings. But just 0utside my office are children who go to sleep hungry, who wake up with nobody to say "good morning," and with only bleak prospects for having their basic needs met. This noon I drove to McDonalds for a late lunch and was heading back to the office to eat. At the stoplight a little boy approached my car, tapped on my window and held out a deformed hand to ask for money. He motioned to his stomach to indicate that he was hungry. In his eyes was a hunger that went beyond his need for something to eat to indicate a hopelessness at life in general. But he doesn't have the luxury of looking at his life reflectively. He was hungry, and was looking at the food that I had purchased at the drive through that was on the seat next to me, food that I could easily do without. I gave him a handful of fries and drove off. On other occasions I might have just shook my head and not given him anything. Nutritionists might say that he was better off with nothing than a greasy fry, I don't know. But as I drove away my mind came up with many questions that I have considered often in my 38 years in Cebu, questions that don't really have answers but weigh heavily on my heart on occasions such as this.
- Why does this little guy have nothing and I have everything? Is there a single thing about how I have lived my life that qualifies me for advantage? Has this little guy done anything wrong to deserve a withered arm and a hungry tummy?
- Why didn't I just give him my whole lunch instead of a few paltry fries? By suppertime I would be dining on a good meal and he would be hungry again. Likely, I just wanted him to go away from my car.
- What does he think about me and what I represent?
- If he ever does look to the future, does he have a shred of hope that things will get better for him? With little or no positive family or other adult influence, with no access to health care or decent education, and with daily exposure to the many dangers from living on the street, is there any chance whatsoever that he will? What will be different for him, his eventual children and theirs?
- What is life like without hope? Can I even begin to understand that?
The disparities of life in a country like the Philippines are hard to grasp. Living here provides graphic proof that God's grace has nothing to do with merit. Not a thing. That kid deserves a break much more than I ever do or will. All I can do, perhaps, is to think about why God called me to live much of my life here and not in the country of my birth. Some people think that, in choosing to live here, I forsook the luxuries of life for the difficulties of the third world. But I live in the lap of luxury here, too. I just have to pay an emotional price for doing so as I come face to face with people who struggle just to stay alive.
I've been dealing with these same questions for 38 years! At CSC we have been able to help lots of little guys like the one I saw today. We have taken in the hungry, the lame, the disfigured, the homeless. We have dispensed food, medicine, knowledge, even hope. But we aren't helping this little guy at all. Except for a fistfull of fries. Of course we can't help everyone, I know that. But that knowledge doesn't remove his image from my mind or, on the other hand, make his life one ounce better.
I pray for wisdom, to accept the things that I cannot change, to be an agent of positive change where I can, and to know the difference, even though knowing that difference does not provide emotional relief from the confrontations with hopelessness that are a part of life in a place like this. I guess the best way to accomplish the dictates of the above-cited Serenity Prayer is to focus on the things that I can change, not on what I cannot. On the tree, not the forest. But I'm very sure that there are things that I can change if I open my mind to them, to see people not as an inconvenience but an opportunity. Maybe I can use some of the incomprehensible advantages that have been bestowed on me to offer some measure of relief and, maybe, even hope to people like the little boy who I cannot get out of my head.
Summer at CSC!
Summer is here! What does that mean to an island that remains tropical all year round? Good question! It really only means that it is hotter-a LOT hotter! And there is less rain. And its hot. And your umbrella is your most prized possession because it protects you from the fierce sun. And then there's the heat. But really, I'm not all that grumpy about it...just a little grumpy about it... :)
The kids, however, are unfazed by the heat. They still run and play without abandon. I, however, sit in the shade and look on with amazement---my mouth hanging open.
The summer brings with it new activities. KITE SEASON is here once again! It is almost as if a switch turns on inside of them and they all decide today is the day for kite-flying. And they MAKE them! Watching them making them is a favorite pasttime of mine---again, I do so in the shade, in case you were wondering! :)
They are making these kites from twigs from brooms, plastic grocery bags, and string. Permission to be amazed granted!
In flight!
Other summer activities...
CHALK!!!
FUN IN THE SHADE---These wise girls are making crafts with flower blossoms!
What pure happiness looks like!
He is our newest kid, but it already seems like he has been with us for quite some time. God has blessed us and him with a smooth transition and we are happy to have him here with us!
Its hard to be grumpy about the heat when you have this smile to look at!
Thank the Lord for these children that bless me every day and remind me of God's endless provision and goodness!
Glory be to Him always!
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A Lonely Walk
Imagine what it would be like to wake up knowing today is the last day you will see your child. I wonder how carefully you would choose their clothes or the last words to share with them. I wonder how hollow it would feel to stand on the sidewalk as they are driven away.
Imagine returning home without your children in tow. They were with you when you walked out of the neighborhood, but now you walk alone. Your world is upended. You’ve lost the title “mom” or “dad.” To make matters worse everyone is watching you from their front step or window. Secrets don’t keep long where you live—especially secrets like this.
People know what you’ve done and they don’t restrain themselves from staring. This is a lonely walk back to an empty home.
You can’t believe it got to this point. How could it? You didn’t have children to abandon them. But then he left, and there were no jobs to be found. The life you dreamed of isn’t visible anymore, and you don’t have anywhere to turn. Somehow the best option became giving them away.
Sometimes when I’m speaking to a group a person will ask how our kids end up in the care of the Children's Shelter of Cebu. I’ll confess that for most of the children a parent is still alive. “How could their parents just abandon them,” they wonder. It’s hard to explain. In our good-Christian mentality, you just don’t ever give up on your kids.
It’s hard to describe the straight jacket that is total poverty and utter hopelessness. It’s hard to explain not being able to protect or provide for your child. I can’t pretend to understand, but I know it’s easier to demonize the mom who couldn’t care for her baby than to put myself in her shoes. She doesn’t deserve to be understood because of what she’s done. Right?
I don’t know. High horses are easy to climb on when you’re propped up in a world of options. Judgment comes easy on this, but judgment has always been easier than understanding, including when a mom concludes her child is better off without her. Judgment isn't our job at CSC. Our job is to love that child the best we can. It's the least we can do for those moms whose seperation is not the mark of selfishness, but of sacrifice.
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Prayers!
I just finished Frontline for the month of April (Frontline is for all our prayer warriors out there - if you are not getting Frontline and want to get it, sign up here.) Because of Frontline, I've been thinking about all the prayers we have seen answered over the years. God has certainly blessed CSC. We know that God listens to and answers prayers. We have found that God does not always give us exactly what we ask for, but often what he gives is better than we ask. Of course there are prayers that are still unanswered and prayers that were denied...but we know that God is there and trust him to know what we REALLY need, not what we think we need.
Tonight I was on duty at one of our homes. These kids are real prayer warriors. They love to pray. There have been numerous prayer sessions that end up with a few kids falling asleep while some of the kids just keep thinking of more things to pray for. Tonight we only had about 30 minutes to pray (school night you know) so I limited the kids to only 5 things to pray for. Their choices were #1 - The CSC Banquet #2 That all the people who don't know Jesus will know him #3 That we will all be safe always #4 my friend Suzy who is going through a tough time after cancer surgery and Jane Anderson (they had to share a spot) and #5 Thanking God for the people who pray for them. I wish you could have heard their prayers. I know God did.
I did sneak a few photos....as you can see a few kids were on to me. That really is how the little ones always pray...hands together in front of them.
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Grace from God
Over Easter weekend my husband and I drove from Minnesota to Louisiana to visit our daughter. Before starting on the trip, I was unable to contact one of our former Children of Hope School teachers whom I knew lived in the Baton Rouge area. Instead, Grace got hold of me and said she was more than willing to drive the 170 miles (one way) in order for us to see each other. Later that night, Grace and her husband, Noel, sat in our hotel room reminiscing about former CSC kids and colleagues and sharing what we are doing now. I had not seen Grace in about seven years. It was a great time!
As Grace and Noel were pulling away to drive home, I was struck by the incredible connections there are all over the world through the common thread of CSC. Grace's life is forever woven into mine because we worked at CSC together. We share common interests in the children we taught at Children of Hope and the people we worked with. It was encouraging to hear how Grace is being used by God in a very different educational setting in the United States. Seeing Grace again reminded me the CSC family is strong and I am richer for it.
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Banquet Surprise
Hey, we're working on a cool surprise for the CSC banquet. I won't give you even a hint, except that the kids and staff here in Cebu are really excited about it. Some of you will be able to see it at the banquet. (If you haven't registered yet, you can do so by clicking here.) Some will have to wait for a video here on the web site. That's all you're going to get, for now!
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