Staff Blog
God's grace shows itself to me in many ways. Some are glorious and some are not. 
By the grace of God, for instance, I have enough to eat, a good place to live, money for my diabetes medications and meaningful work that provides many emotional, material and spiritual blessings. But just 0utside my office are children who go to sleep hungry, who wake up with nobody to say "good morning," and with only bleak prospects for having their basic needs met. This noon I drove to McDonalds for a late lunch and was heading back to the office to eat. At the stoplight a little boy approached my car, tapped on my window and held out a deformed hand to ask for money. He motioned to his stomach to indicate that he was hungry. In his eyes was a hunger that went beyond his need for something to eat to indicate a hopelessness at life in general. But he doesn't have the luxury of looking at his life reflectively. He was hungry, and was looking at the food that I had purchased at the drive through that was on the seat next to me, food that I could easily do without. I gave him a handful of fries and drove off. On other occasions I might have just shook my head and not given him anything. Nutritionists might say that he was better off with nothing than a greasy fry, I don't know. But as I drove away my mind came up with many questions that I have considered often in my 38 years in Cebu, questions that don't really have answers but weigh heavily on my heart on occasions such as this.
- Why does this little guy have nothing and I have everything? Is there a single thing about how I have lived my life that qualifies me for advantage? Has this little guy done anything wrong to deserve a withered arm and a hungry tummy?
- Why didn't I just give him my whole lunch instead of a few paltry fries? By suppertime I would be dining on a good meal and he would be hungry again. Likely, I just wanted him to go away from my car.
- What does he think about me and what I represent?
- If he ever does look to the future, does he have a shred of hope that things will get better for him? With little or no positive family or other adult influence, with no access to health care or decent education, and with daily exposure to the many dangers from living on the street, is there any chance whatsoever that he will? What will be different for him, his eventual children and theirs?
- What is life like without hope? Can I even begin to understand that?
The disparities of life in a country like the Philippines are hard to grasp. Living here provides graphic proof that God's grace has nothing to do with merit. Not a thing. That kid deserves a break much more than I ever do or will. All I can do, perhaps, is to think about why God called me to live much of my life here and not in the country of my birth. Some people think that, in choosing to live here, I forsook the luxuries of life for the difficulties of the third world. But I live in the lap of luxury here, too. I just have to pay an emotional price for doing so as I come face to face with people who struggle just to stay alive.
I've been dealing with these same questions for 38 years! At CSC we have been able to help lots of little guys like the one I saw today. We have taken in the hungry, the lame, the disfigured, the homeless. We have dispensed food, medicine, knowledge, even hope. But we aren't helping this little guy at all. Except for a fistfull of fries. Of course we can't help everyone, I know that. But that knowledge doesn't remove his image from my mind or, on the other hand, make his life one ounce better.
I pray for wisdom, to accept the things that I cannot change, to be an agent of positive change where I can, and to know the difference, even though knowing that difference does not provide emotional relief from the confrontations with hopelessness that are a part of life in a place like this. I guess the best way to accomplish the dictates of the above-cited Serenity Prayer is to focus on the things that I can change, not on what I cannot. On the tree, not the forest. But I'm very sure that there are things that I can change if I open my mind to them, to see people not as an inconvenience but an opportunity. Maybe I can use some of the incomprehensible advantages that have been bestowed on me to offer some measure of relief and, maybe, even hope to people like the little boy who I cannot get out of my head.
Hanging Out Time!
Eight years ago today I arrived in the Philippines to begin my work at CSC. It's amazing how it seems like such a short and long time ago at the same time! I can still remember that trip so clearly, but yet it seems as if I've always been with CSC.
Recently I did a count, and, if my count is correct, 241 kids have been a part of CSC during my eight years here. Some for just a short while and others for the entire time I've been here. What a blessing it has been for me to have each of them as a part of my life!
Now my time at CSC is ending. In three short weeks, I'll be moving back to Minnesota. While I'm excited to see what God has in store for my future, I'm going to miss everyone at CSC so much! My goal this summer was to spend time with all of our 7-year-old and above kids outside of the shelter. I made a list and very slowly I've been working my way through it. Often, when the kids see me, they ask, "Is it my turn?!" It's been so much fun to hang out with them! Here are some pictures of our outings!
1. Lunch at McDonald's
2. Lunch at Jollibee! This guy was so excited to "eat outside" that he hopped, danced, and cartwheeled his way across the yard as he yelled, "Yeah!!! Jollibee!!!" I love his enthusiasm!
3. Glow-in-the-Dark Mini-golfing!
4. Nail Polish & Cupcakes Party! I took all of the 7, 8, and 9-year-old girls to my house. For those who wanted, I let them try to put the nail polish on themselves. Let's just say it was a bit messy, but so much fun! (I had to do a few fixes. The girls would come up and ask me to "erase" the messed up nail polish!) Then we headed out to a cupcake store. The blackforest cupcakes were the most popular choice...I think the cherry on top had something to do with it!
5. Dinner at Davinci's Pizza!
6. A Narnia Party! We have a sibling group at CSC that has 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Several months ago, they made the connection that they were the same as the family in the Chronicles of Narnia movie. We decided that someday we would have a "Narnia Party". This last week, we finally got around to it! The kids all created props for their characters (swords, shields, crowns, bow & arrows, etc.) and I was Mrs. Beaver. We watched "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" and acted out different parts of the movie! The evening was filled with laughter and fun!
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Tropical Trees
There is a great variety of trees here in the tropics. Some provide shade, some give us fruit and others have beautiful flowers.
The Kalachuchi trees not only provide fragrant flowers that are used for decorative leis.........
they are among the best climbing trees in the Philippines and CSC kids are the best and most adorable climbers.
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Sibling love...
Isn't there a saying...siblings who play together...
No, there probably isn't, but there should be. I love watching how our sibling groups interact with each other, love on each other and even keep after each other! :)
I happened to catch some beautiful sibling footage earlier this week. Check out the video below!
This older sister is letting her youngest brother push her on the swing. I love that she is letting him feel "big" and she is caring for him at the same time. You will hear her laughter throughout the video, but you will also hear her kind of shout every time she thinks she is about to run into him! She keeps a watchful eye and you can see her trying to slow herself down often! I love that this little boy wants to play with his sister---I'm sure he would have kept pushing her except he was called to take a bath. Duty calls, you know!
No surprise that I would get a kick out of such family dynamics, being a marriage and family therapist after all; however, who wouldn't consider that moment in time precious?!
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Basins
Plastic basins are used for all kinds of things in Cebu City. They are used for flowers, food, fish and bread, or for washing. They are everywhere in the city.
Of course, we have some pretty cool uses for basins at CSC, too. Basins make great bath tubs and swimming pools for our precious children!
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Old Blue and me
Old Blue was sold today. Jerry Salgo, our Transportation Director, showed it to a guy this morning and he agreed to buy it, with all its flaws and limitations. It is the end of an era. Amy Luck, who has driven Old Blue a lot in the past several years, called me up this afternoon, delighted that the guy bought it primarily to bring his dad to kidney dialysis. It seemed fitting that this old clunker still had some good work to do in its final days. 
The guy's going to pay for it on Monday morning. So right now Old Blue is in our car park at the Teen Home, waiting for its new home. Considering all the repairs she has needed in recent years and the times that she failed us along the way, I was expecting to be happy to see her go. But when I pulled into the Teen Home today and saw her there, I reacted in a different way. I won't say I got weepy, or even misty-eyed, but I did reflect on the many kilometers that Old Blue gave us over the years, since we purchased it from missionary friends Howard and Marilynn Plucar. I thought about the number of staff members, kids, short termers, visitors and friends who have piled into that car over the past years. The car failed us many times, but it came through more times than that. It gave all it had for CSC, and we need to remember her for that, not for her failings in old age.
Maybe one of the reasons that I got a little bit melancholy is that one of our child care workers is planning to retire. She has worked for us for something like 27 years and she is tired out. She has held, fed, bathed and cuddled hundreds of our kids. She provided one on one care to Luke for years in his upstairs room. Now she's ready to move on, kind of like Old Blue.
Old blue has dents, engine flaws and makes some very strange noises. The turns and hill climbs that used to be simple now require a strain. I guess the truth of the matter is that I feel like Old Blue sometimes these days. Old, faded, cranky. I don't want to be that way, but after 34 years on the job I sometimes feel like I need an overhaul. I'm a lot more tired at the end of the day. Sometimes I forget things that people tell me. Running after kids is something that the old joints just don't allow. The day will come when it will be time to retire. I am a grandparental figure for the kids now instead of a parental figure. One of kids, known for her rather brutal honesty said to me the other day, "Uncle Paul, your hair is white and your teeth are yellow." Yikes. I'm Old Blue.
I hope that, like Old Blue, when my days of service to CSC are done, I can know that, in spite of some failings along the way and limitations of age at the end, I gave all I had for the ministry. That's all any of us can aspire to. It was great that, in the last month of Old Blue's service, she was used a lot, to bring kids and staff to and from summer activities. She performed well. She finished strong. Hope I can do the same!
Farewell, Old Blue. Bring that old man to his dialysis safely, like you've done for our kids and staff over the years!
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