God's grace shows itself to me in many ways. Some are glorious and some are not. By the grace of God, for instance, I have enough to eat, a good place to live, money for my diabetes medications and meaningful work that provides many emotional, material and spiritual blessings. But just 0utside my office are children who go to sleep hungry, who wake up with nobody to say "good morning," and with only bleak prospects for having their basic needs met. This noon I drove to McDonalds for a late lunch and was heading back to the office to eat. At the stoplight a little boy approached my car, tapped on my window and held out a deformed hand to ask for money. He motioned to his stomach to indicate that he was hungry. In his eyes was a hunger that went beyond his need for something to eat to indicate a hopelessness at life in general. But he doesn't have the luxury of looking at his life reflectively. He was hungry, and was looking at the food that I had purchased at the drive through that was on the seat next to me, food that I could easily do without. I gave him a handful of fries and drove off. On other occasions I might have just shook my head and not given him anything. Nutritionists might say that he was better off with nothing than a greasy fry, I don't know. But as I drove away my mind came up with many questions that I have considered often in my 38 years in Cebu, questions that don't really have answers but weigh heavily on my heart on occasions such as this.
- Why does this little guy have nothing and I have everything? Is there a single thing about how I have lived my life that qualifies me for advantage? Has this little guy done anything wrong to deserve a withered arm and a hungry tummy?
- Why didn't I just give him my whole lunch instead of a few paltry fries? By suppertime I would be dining on a good meal and he would be hungry again. Likely, I just wanted him to go away from my car.
- What does he think about me and what I represent?
- If he ever does look to the future, does he have a shred of hope that things will get better for him? With little or no positive family or other adult influence, with no access to health care or decent education, and with daily exposure to the many dangers from living on the street, is there any chance whatsoever that he will? What will be different for him, his eventual children and theirs?
- What is life like without hope? Can I even begin to understand that?
The disparities of life in a country like the Philippines are hard to grasp. Living here provides graphic proof that God's grace has nothing to do with merit. Not a thing. That kid deserves a break much more than I ever do or will. All I can do, perhaps, is to think about why God called me to live much of my life here and not in the country of my birth. Some people think that, in choosing to live here, I forsook the luxuries of life for the difficulties of the third world. But I live in the lap of luxury here, too. I just have to pay an emotional price for doing so as I come face to face with people who struggle just to stay alive.
I've been dealing with these same questions for 38 years! At CSC we have been able to help lots of little guys like the one I saw today. We have taken in the hungry, the lame, the disfigured, the homeless. We have dispensed food, medicine, knowledge, even hope. But we aren't helping this little guy at all. Except for a fistfull of fries. Of course we can't help everyone, I know that. But that knowledge doesn't remove his image from my mind or, on the other hand, make his life one ounce better.
I pray for wisdom, to accept the things that I cannot change, to be an agent of positive change where I can, and to know the difference, even though knowing that difference does not provide emotional relief from the confrontations with hopelessness that are a part of life in a place like this. I guess the best way to accomplish the dictates of the above-cited Serenity Prayer is to focus on the things that I can change, not on what I cannot. On the tree, not the forest. But I'm very sure that there are things that I can change if I open my mind to them, to see people not as an inconvenience but an opportunity. Maybe I can use some of the incomprehensible advantages that have been bestowed on me to offer some measure of relief and, maybe, even hope to people like the little boy who I cannot get out of my head.
Teen Home
It's been awhile since we have talked about the Teen Home. I thought I would take this time to fill you in.
Edith and Undoy are our houseparents. Their oldest daughter is married and their youngest daughter lives at the Teen Home with them.
Julieto is 22 and is about to finish his third year of high school. After taking a couple of years off and working, he decided to go back to school. We are proud of him and how hard he is working in school. He has a great attitude and is liked by all.
Milbert is 17 and in his third year of high school. He is involved in church with praise and worship and continues to love music. He is activitely involved in the church youth group! Milbert and Julieto are both looking forward to prom this coming Friday night.
Maria is 35 already and continues to live at the Teen Home. She goes to school 2 afternoons a week to work on daily living skills. She works at the shelter and also at the local grocery store 2 days a week. Maria loves spending time with her friends and enjoys greeting people as they shop at the grocery store.
Arleen is 29 now. She continues to love music. She is hoping to volunteer at the Braille center this next school year. In her free time, she continues to practice piano and singing. She is hoping to take more music lessons in the near future. She would love to give private music lessons. She is an encouragement to each of us.
Roselyn is 25 and in her third year of college. She is majoring in Christian education. She enjoys school. She also enjoys teaching Sunday School on Sundays and working with kids. We are so proud of Roselyn. She maintains a positive attitude in all of her endeavors.
Joemar
I wish you could all meet Joemar. Joemar will be 37 years old this year, and has lived at CSC since he was almost 9 years old. There has been a lot of life lived between those two numbers! Joemar interacts with the world at a cognitive age of 5-6 years old. He loves Superman, puzzles, flashlights, his cherished sea shells, his keys and Mr. Bean DVD's. Joemar is proud of his "balay" meaning his room in the Duterte home that he shares with his best buddy Jacob.
Joemar works at two local McDonalds restaurants. He clears tables, mops up spills, carries trays for customers, pours gravy (for the fried chicken that McDonalds is known for here) and overall cheers up McDonalds customers as well as staff. He loves going to work every day! Here at CSC Joemar keeps busy helping the cleaners up at school and visiting the Childcare and Nurses offices. He always bursts in our door with a smile, a loud greeting and usually some things to keep him busy for awhile (puzzles, books, paper...he always has a plan.) We can't help but smile when Joe comes to visit. Joemar simply loves life, and he lives life simply. Joemar's talks a lot, he can be hard to understand, but we have a few people here at CSC who are proficient in "Joemarese." What a joy to have a conversation with this guy.
Joemar has friends all over the world, and he never forgets a friend. But, he has no concept of time. Once he knows that someone is coming back to visit....be it this afternoon or two months from now...he reminds us numerous times a day that we should be going to the airport - NOW. He does not want to leave anyone standing at the airport I guess! So, we spend lots of time telling Joemar, "not today" and trying to explain that we will not forget to go and get his friend. The conversation will start all over again in a few hours though!
On Valentines day Joemar brought in supplies for an art project. He worked for over an hour drawing hearts, coloring them and writing his name at least 10 times on the paper. The whole time he was talking about "hats" -hearts and "baltins" - valentines. When he finally finished it he brought it to me. I asked him who it was for, he always is bringing me things that he makes for me to give to others. I was certain that this creation was for either his Housemother, Auntie Lourdes or the friend that he is thinking will be here any day (even though it is well over a month away) Auntie Lynn. But his answer to my question was a big smile, a finger pointing at me and a loud and clear "YOU!" He was so proud. I know that it came from his heart, and what an amazing heart that is.
I have known Joemar for almost 27 years and I literally could count on one hand how many days Joemar has not been happy. He finds joy in everything. We have all learned much from Joemar. The day God brought him to CSC is the day that CSC was brought just a little closer to understanding God's heart. We are blessed....I wish you could all meet Joemar.
Valentine's Day
Thursday was Valentine's Day! The kids had been telling me all week that they were going to give me a "valentine's day" (cards). As soon as the kids walked into the school gate in the morning, they passed out letters to the teachers! So fun! Later in the day, we had a little party in our classroom and made some valentine cards to pass out to the kids' friends, aunties, uncles, and teachers.
The Level C girls decided to make necklaces for the teachers. Here is a picture of the Level C teachers sporting their valentine's!
Thanks to some visitors, we had some of the conversation heart candy! I passed out a few of them as Valentine's Day messages to the kids. I gave one of our 11-year-old girls one that said, "You Shine". Later that afternoon, she came back to my classroom and handed me a flower. She said, "This is for you Teacher Tam! You are so very shiny!" So cute! I love our kids!
The Best Gift Ever
I had the great privilege of celebrating my 27th birthday with the kids and staff here at CSC. When I came up to the shelter a group of kids rushed towards me to give me cards they had made.
It was the highlight of my day month.
One card in particular stood out. It was from a 9 year old boy named Marko.
The note was precious and sincere, but what really stood out was inside the card.
A brand new notepad and pencil. A prized personal possession that he willingly parted with in order to be able to give me a gift for my birthday.
As is often the case, I've found that the kids here at CSC have taught me more than I've taught them. What a blessing it is to walk alongside these kind, generous, and beautiful children.
Thanks, Marko, for giving me the best birthday gift ever.
What a gift!
A recent hand delivered gift brought smiles and moist eyes here in Cebu. Lloyd, a former CSC resident who was adopted by the Fagerlie family of Norway back in 2003, recently visited Cebu with his family. He is now 10 years old. For his last birthday he told his family and friends that he didn't want any gifts, but asked them to instead give a gift to CSC. While visiting at the Shelter he presented an envelope to the kids with 30,000 pesos (US$750) inside! He had a great time playing soccer with the kids and teaching them a great lesson in generosity and "giving back." Thanks Lloyd, and all the Fagelies for your visit and this amazing gift.