God's grace shows itself to me in many ways. Some are glorious and some are not. By the grace of God, for instance, I have enough to eat, a good place to live, money for my diabetes medications and meaningful work that provides many emotional, material and spiritual blessings. But just 0utside my office are children who go to sleep hungry, who wake up with nobody to say "good morning," and with only bleak prospects for having their basic needs met. This noon I drove to McDonalds for a late lunch and was heading back to the office to eat. At the stoplight a little boy approached my car, tapped on my window and held out a deformed hand to ask for money. He motioned to his stomach to indicate that he was hungry. In his eyes was a hunger that went beyond his need for something to eat to indicate a hopelessness at life in general. But he doesn't have the luxury of looking at his life reflectively. He was hungry, and was looking at the food that I had purchased at the drive through that was on the seat next to me, food that I could easily do without. I gave him a handful of fries and drove off. On other occasions I might have just shook my head and not given him anything. Nutritionists might say that he was better off with nothing than a greasy fry, I don't know. But as I drove away my mind came up with many questions that I have considered often in my 38 years in Cebu, questions that don't really have answers but weigh heavily on my heart on occasions such as this.
- Why does this little guy have nothing and I have everything? Is there a single thing about how I have lived my life that qualifies me for advantage? Has this little guy done anything wrong to deserve a withered arm and a hungry tummy?
- Why didn't I just give him my whole lunch instead of a few paltry fries? By suppertime I would be dining on a good meal and he would be hungry again. Likely, I just wanted him to go away from my car.
- What does he think about me and what I represent?
- If he ever does look to the future, does he have a shred of hope that things will get better for him? With little or no positive family or other adult influence, with no access to health care or decent education, and with daily exposure to the many dangers from living on the street, is there any chance whatsoever that he will? What will be different for him, his eventual children and theirs?
- What is life like without hope? Can I even begin to understand that?
The disparities of life in a country like the Philippines are hard to grasp. Living here provides graphic proof that God's grace has nothing to do with merit. Not a thing. That kid deserves a break much more than I ever do or will. All I can do, perhaps, is to think about why God called me to live much of my life here and not in the country of my birth. Some people think that, in choosing to live here, I forsook the luxuries of life for the difficulties of the third world. But I live in the lap of luxury here, too. I just have to pay an emotional price for doing so as I come face to face with people who struggle just to stay alive.
I've been dealing with these same questions for 38 years! At CSC we have been able to help lots of little guys like the one I saw today. We have taken in the hungry, the lame, the disfigured, the homeless. We have dispensed food, medicine, knowledge, even hope. But we aren't helping this little guy at all. Except for a fistfull of fries. Of course we can't help everyone, I know that. But that knowledge doesn't remove his image from my mind or, on the other hand, make his life one ounce better.
I pray for wisdom, to accept the things that I cannot change, to be an agent of positive change where I can, and to know the difference, even though knowing that difference does not provide emotional relief from the confrontations with hopelessness that are a part of life in a place like this. I guess the best way to accomplish the dictates of the above-cited Serenity Prayer is to focus on the things that I can change, not on what I cannot. On the tree, not the forest. But I'm very sure that there are things that I can change if I open my mind to them, to see people not as an inconvenience but an opportunity. Maybe I can use some of the incomprehensible advantages that have been bestowed on me to offer some measure of relief and, maybe, even hope to people like the little boy who I cannot get out of my head.
Helping our Brothers
Over the weekend, I made a phone call at 4 a.m. Cebu time/2 p.m. Minnesota time to a bike shop in Roseville, Minnesota. When the connection went through, right away I heard lots of people talking and laughing and the hum of bike trainers in the background. A bunch of people with various connections to CSC were at a Habitat for Humanity event called Ride For Cebu (http://habitathomescebu.wordpress.com/) to raise money for the purpose of helping CSC workers get better housing.
The phone was passed around so I could talk to some of the riders. I talked to a couple of employees of CSC, an adopted CSC child, two supporters of CSC, an adoptive parent and an employee of the bike shop. There were a lot of other people there whom I did not speak with.
The verses in I John 3:16-18 say, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
All of the people who showed up at the bike shop care about CSC. They were there living out God's love through their actions by participating in the trainer ride. Tears came to my eyes as I sat in my apartment half way around the world in Cebu in the middle of the night.
Silent Night, Holy Night
Last night I worked late in my office. When I came down the outside stairs I was struck by the silence. Even the moon was hiding behind clouds. I didn’t hear dogs barking, roosters crowing or goats bleating. I didn’t hear music drifting across the neighborhood. Most of all I didn’t hear any sounds that are normal for having 80 plus kids on one compound. It was a Silent night. I decided to go into the homes to see just how far this silence could be pushed. I expected to see and hear at least a few babies awake to be fed or changed. But, in each of our three nurseries it was silent, all the babies and toddlers were asleep! The Aunties were busy preparing bottles that would soon be demanded and arranging clothes that would soon be needed. It struck me that it was not only a silent night, but it was a Holy night. Seeing these precious babies that have come to CSC for life and for a future, seeing them sleeping in a safe place and being confident that their needs will be met; it struck me that I was in a Holy place. A place where God was working, Silent and Holy.
Here is a bit of what I saw...
Smiling!
It's obvious that CSC cares for kids' physical needs, but lately I've been thinking about what an important role CSC plays in their emotional development as well. The caring aunties, house parents, staff, and teachers help the kids here build trusting relationships.
Sometimes newer kids are very shy and hesitant. For example, up until yesterday, this little boy would get big wide eyes, reach out for an auntie, or cry whenever I walked into the room. I felt horrible for making him so nervous.
But yesterday, HE SMILED at me! And I caught it on camera! The aunties and house parents are so loving to these kids and it's so cool to see even the babies "coming out of their shell" as they start to feel more safe and comfortable here. :)
Who's most important?
Last night I got to the shelter in time to chat with the kids before prayers and bed time. For some reason, one group of girls had all kinds of questions about what employees fit where and who's "in charge" of whom. I began to wonder if I needed to get the org chart out. We seem to be raising a lot of management consultants right now (or a group of experts at delaying bedtime).
I wasn't sure what to think about the questions and was hesitant to answer. The hierarchy didn't seem all that important, and I wondered why they would care.
But then, why wouldn't they? This is their home, and I suspect behind all of this is an underlying question that goes something like, "we can trust all of you, right?" They want to know who will take care of them, who will sacrifice for them and who will always be there. I think I could go through that org chart and check every name off when it comes to meeting those criteria. I'd put this team up against any other, anywhere.
Eventually the questions turned into who was more important and that's where I stopped them. You might know how easy that was to answer. "You are, girls. You are the reason all of us are here, you are the reason our jobs matter, you are the ones who make this important."
That answer had the advantage of being true...and getting them to go to bed.
Adoption Consciousness Week 2013
For the second straight year, CSC participated in Adoption Consciousness Week in Cebu City. The celebration is aimed at increasing knowledge and interest in local adoption. CSC children joined the motorcade and a special program that featured musical numbers from local child caring institutions, a video that highlighted their programs and services, and some brief talks by officials of the Department of Social Welfare and Development. Our own Mae Ann and Margie emceed the program and did a great job.